tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2285017393769287433.post1737973589886106472..comments2023-10-15T07:36:05.092-07:00Comments on A Piece Of Mind: Waterworld (RWP #97)Cynthia Shorthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12386358503730817278noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2285017393769287433.post-78476733583077922472009-10-25T18:03:32.513-07:002009-10-25T18:03:32.513-07:00I did find the poem unnerving (especially given th...I did find the poem unnerving (especially given the story about the boy), but powerful precisely because of that fact. The reader sinks down into the poem which relates the image of sinking, and the reader comes to the bottom just at the word "stop." You reached "deep" and found truth.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2285017393769287433.post-23383750743518777232009-10-23T17:24:13.364-07:002009-10-23T17:24:13.364-07:00This is haunting. Well done.This is haunting. Well done.Nathanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11552467037640904091noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2285017393769287433.post-1254486781549942712009-10-23T13:48:38.437-07:002009-10-23T13:48:38.437-07:00this is very good Cynthia...nicely done...thanks a...this is very good Cynthia...nicely done...thanks again for sharingWayne Pitchkohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15376196523487344143noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2285017393769287433.post-36859416592749994382009-10-23T11:37:50.699-07:002009-10-23T11:37:50.699-07:00Hard to believe this came from random words. I ag...Hard to believe this came from random words. I agree with Irene. This is very seductive and fluid, and if taken as metaphor, not eerie at all. The first line is one of my favorites.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16097289963025434403noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2285017393769287433.post-51909692194457134222009-10-23T03:55:07.252-07:002009-10-23T03:55:07.252-07:00The words are almost too seductive. Soothing but w...The words are almost too seductive. Soothing but watch what they're saying. That's eerie.<br /><br />I guess if you know you're drowning this is what you might be thinking. I want to think on this one and maybe write a poem.Irenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12918979903066830662noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2285017393769287433.post-46413982234578089882009-10-22T21:24:21.423-07:002009-10-22T21:24:21.423-07:00I didn't play the music(too distracting from t...I didn't play the music(too distracting from the words) but I loved the poem.<br />I like..<br />the cold call of whales and the squid's tentacled carress<br />become one with the ocean<br />as rain on the shore falls gently softly<br />becoming one with the foam<br />This is the first time in two years that I feel<br />really homesick for the lighthouse and Byron Bay.rallentandahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06980559347805844568noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2285017393769287433.post-5245718142959693482009-10-22T18:39:11.618-07:002009-10-22T18:39:11.618-07:00The poem you wrote is very relaxing Cynthia. The p...The poem you wrote is very relaxing Cynthia. The picture at the top helps the feeling of sinking and relaxing into it. I didn't find it eerie either. The song lyrics add to the overall success of the world you have created. A wonderful excursion. Thank you for sharing.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03241402645242821612noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2285017393769287433.post-83013216092767968902009-10-22T17:50:39.642-07:002009-10-22T17:50:39.642-07:00Not strange at all! A great idea to use song lyric...Not strange at all! A great idea to use song lyrics and it worked really well :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2285017393769287433.post-88156293747076752042009-10-22T14:09:39.330-07:002009-10-22T14:09:39.330-07:00The life journey captured in meditational lyrics. ...The life journey captured in meditational lyrics. This flows and sings with dreamlike wonder/acceptance. Enjoyed!Tumblewords:https://www.blogger.com/profile/04279038951489894119noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2285017393769287433.post-41349286037325837362009-10-22T12:44:10.141-07:002009-10-22T12:44:10.141-07:00I like the downwards and id-like voyage of this; i...I like the downwards and id-like voyage of this; it really fits the chaotic and unpresuming nature of the assignment; the primitive sea and its creatures are a lot like a dream, or arbitrarily grouped words or phrases.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2285017393769287433.post-45544473323780934532009-10-22T12:07:15.236-07:002009-10-22T12:07:15.236-07:00You may have found the answer you were looking for...You may have found the answer you were looking for. Step on the inner censor and let it flow like this more often. I really like "Scream to flotsam and to space,<br />to midnight’s spinning stars."<br />and "the cold call of whales"Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2285017393769287433.post-89718781025095249662009-10-22T10:50:54.402-07:002009-10-22T10:50:54.402-07:00I did not listen to the music I wanted your poem t...I did not listen to the music I wanted your poem to be the song, and it is. I didn't find it creepy, I found it rather soothing. Almost hypnotic, a need to fill the tub and sink to the bottom just to see what is there. "Fighting the absurd desire for life," wow! I hear a poem in that line. Yes and, "to the cold call of whales." Poetry! Just great!<br />Regards,<br />DHAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2285017393769287433.post-26173947499107582542009-10-22T10:18:27.745-07:002009-10-22T10:18:27.745-07:00This IS eerie, simply because for the first time E...This IS eerie, simply because for the first time EVER in my life yesterday I encountered (and wrote from) the oldfashioned word "flotsam" and "jetsam"... wild!!! I enjoy the mysterious pacing of this poem and the rich, vivid images.<br /><br />Now, in case blog spot is still miffed at me... this is Julie Jordan Scott... commenting here.<br /><br />My poem for this week may be found:<br /><br />http://bit.ly/10JIdTAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2285017393769287433.post-10877878151126405132009-10-22T10:03:05.047-07:002009-10-22T10:03:05.047-07:00I think that the ending worked really well - the i...I think that the ending worked really well - the idea of a song lyric was an interesting one - did you cut individual words or phrases?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2285017393769287433.post-38939073880618175892009-10-22T09:52:16.889-07:002009-10-22T09:52:16.889-07:00A little haunting, but worthy of several reads for...A little haunting, but worthy of several reads for the effect it has. There's a consistency in the tone and images that has all the hallmarks of a fine poem! I actually felt like I was participating in the gentle instructions, floating, submerged, then back again.Jerryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00805189421465266548noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2285017393769287433.post-52523365843975220252009-10-22T09:39:38.999-07:002009-10-22T09:39:38.999-07:00Beautiful, Cynthia! Very nice!
I enjoyed the musi...Beautiful, Cynthia! Very nice!<br /><br />I enjoyed the music you linked to (which I was unfamiliar with). But what I was reminded of was from TS Eliot's <i>The Waste Land</i>, Section IV, "Death by Water."<br /><br />My favorite lines are:<br /><br /><i>Dive, swim downward from all needs,<br />To the cold call of whales<br />and the squid's tentacled caress.</i><br /><br />Outstanding work, Cynthia!Paul Oakleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17426789386840488470noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2285017393769287433.post-15620222725544917782009-10-22T08:49:19.559-07:002009-10-22T08:49:19.559-07:00I didn't think it is strange.
"
Fight th...I didn't think it is strange.<br /><br />"<br />Fight the absurd desire for life.<br />Give in to loss, then finally you can be free."<br /><br />Sometimes I feel this way..<br /><br /><a href="http://firmlyrooted.blogspot.com/2009/10/terza-rima-psychedelic-pajamas.html" rel="nofollow">Terma Rima: psychedelic pajamas</a>gautami tripathyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04192356825699543613noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2285017393769287433.post-12459675053717515152009-10-22T07:05:36.548-07:002009-10-22T07:05:36.548-07:00This isn't too creepy. And one of the joys of...This isn't too creepy. And one of the joys of the prompts is getting out of your usual poetry writing box to see what happens. This was good.<br /><br />markRadio Nowherehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03676632225985024369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2285017393769287433.post-28465010492224341252009-10-22T04:30:46.320-07:002009-10-22T04:30:46.320-07:00Hi Cynthia,
Might know you'd cheat by using s...Hi Cynthia,<br /><br />Might know you'd cheat by using song lyrics!! Just listened and quite like the beat (unusual for me!). Don't remember the 'squid's tentacled caress' but it's a good line. And it's a good poem too.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00861397533660827678noreply@blogger.com