October 08, 2009

A Double Dip of "Mash-Up" (RWP prompt #95)

I actually made two separate tries on this prompt, and am afraid neither one is a good example of what we were supposed to accomplish... In this first piece the un-italicized poem was written months ago, just added the other point of view to create a type of “mash-up”.

The Gift / I Thought

Long ago I gave you myself,
I thought it wasn’t serious.
Right off the showroom floor,
I thought I was ready.
The latest model with new car smell,
I thought I knew what I was getting into.
Shining and untouched.
I thought I was grown up.
Something you coveted, had to possess.
I thought I could handle responsibility.
Now, through rough and careless handling,
I thought everything would work out fine.
I’m worn out, scratched and dented,
I thought I wouldn’t have to be a man.
You began looking to trade me in.
I thought I could still be free.
To you I meant nothing,
I thought I could do what I wanted.
A cheap, used domestic model,
I thought you would forgive me.
A dead battery that just won’t turn over.
I thought you’d love me no matter what…
In this next piece (won’t really call it a poem) I took the prompt suggestion to a whole new level… The poem part is the beginning of every other line & the lines in BOLD are actual headlines.

I’ll Have Fries With That
Childhood Obesity at Highest level in US History

-Poisoned and bloated-
kool aid, skittles /high fructose corn syrup/ Ritalin Use Doubles in Last 10 Years coca-cola, yoohoo -Force-fed garbage and- “YOU DESERVE A BREAK TODAY” twinkies /sodium benzoate/ pop tarts, cup-a-noodles, twizzlers
-Mind-numbing lethargy-
Dietary Guidelines Allow Ketchup as Vegetable in School Lunches.”LEGO MY EGGO!“ cheetos

-An embarrassment of riches-
/partially hydrogenated vegetable oil/ popsicles "THE CHEESE THAT GOES GRUNCH"

-Hidden behind stupid choices-
/lucky charms, happy meals/artificial colors &flavorings/ "FINGER-LICKIN’ GOOD!“

-A nation of gluttons
- Type II Diabetes Epidemic Among Americans big mac /monosodium glutamate/ whopper,
-With little intelligence-
“MELT’S IN YOUR MOUTH, NOT IN YOUR HAND!“ spaghettios, deep fried gordita /sodium nitrite/

-Are killing the future-
Schools Cutting PE Across the Board stuffed crust, big gulp “CUCKOO FOR COCOA PUFFS”


  1. So Cynthia I think I might actually see what you are doing. Or what I got out of this was mashing of a theme (tossing aside/getting rid of) using two complete different factual settings. One theme is the perspective of being the tosser and the other not! I feel sorta a push and pull when I read the mash. Well anyway that is great and I admire you so much.

  2. I enjoyed the changing points-of-view in the first poem, I could feel your voice changing... quite pleasurable.

    The second poem reminded me of a fast game of ping-pong. Wowza over and over again.

    (In case we have last week's problem, this is Julie Jordan Scott, commenting)

  3. I like the dichotomy of the poem.Very skilfully done with familiar themes of the age old problematic relationship between the sexes. Ah the turbulence of passion and torrid affairs in youth can be so enervating.The baked potato category is looking pretty good!I like this poem although I didnt like the trip down memory lane.

    The obesity poem is depressing.Fast food and all the rubbish they put in canned products and bread is scandalous.It's going to get to the stage that to it healthily one will have to cook and make everything from scratch.I dont like fat poems.The diet starts tomorrow!

  4. Hi Cynthia,

    I like the two voices in your mashed up poem. Who could ever leave you on the scrap heap?!

    The fast food diatribe is a pertinent statement on the state of public eating/health. Can't get enough. I'm 'cuckoo for cocoa puffs'!

  5. Cynthia, "The Gift/I thought" does a good job of combining the two original poems. They seem to stand well on their own, but I think putting them together gains from the shifts in rhythm and tone that are created--now the poem is more patient, more discursive, and coming in in stereo. There is now a nice extension of the metaphor in "The Gift" into the more literal straight up voice of "I Thought" and vice versa.

    I also found "found" poem of your headlines/adlines wicked and amusing.

  6. Offer a double dip and then tell us what's in it--for shame. I like them both. The food poem's funny and depressing; the other is nicely balanced. The repetition might have been too much in "I Thought" alone, but it works as a refrain.

  7. Very cleverly done - especially the second one.
    To answer your query on my blog, my entry is the last but one poem on the linked post. I tend to do Magazine Posts, so it can be a bit confusing.
    Hope this helps you.

  8. Both poems, the cleverly meshed one at the top and the funny fast food poem at the bottom left me with the feeling of being used. The titles seem to echo the feeling of being taken for a ride. I enjoyed how well they fit with each other and also your talent for composition. Well done, Cynthia!

  9. I really liked the added dimension "I Thought" gives to "The Gift" balancing the outward and inward directed. It counts as a mash-up in my book :). I enjoyed "Fries" too, although its super-size me headlines were a reminder of how messed up we are.

  10. They both work really well! You made the prompt look easy :)

  11. I enjoyed both of these and agree with Joanne - you do make it look ever so easy.

  12. "The Gift/ I Thought" is so heartfelt and honest. I admire that it doesn't place all the blame on just one half of the couple. I like the repetition in the mash-up -- I see how a repeated phrase can be used to differentiate one part of the mash-up from another. This poem "The Gift / I Thought" also succeeds in pairing one half which is primarily figurative metaphor, and anothe half which is primarily literal statement.
    ~Therese L. Broderick

  13. I am impressed by your first poem so much. The call and response feel of it drives the point home without the use of a club. Very, very effective and well done.

    I agree, you did make it look easy. :-)


  14. well after reading again....i really like the first...but you have nicely mashed them also...thanks for sharing

  15. cynthia this format and style is thought-provoking and personally, right up the back alleys where good contemporary poetry lurks. the headlines play well with the subtext. your title fits the action well. wonderful take on the state of society, extra salt here using actual headlines, thanks for the read. -lawrence

  16. They are both great but I really, really like the first one. It has a wonderful rhythm and I can imagine how dramatic it would sound being read aloud.

  17. I think the first one works really well. In revision you might tweak and move some stuff, but the friction placing one against the other produces an interesting read.

    The food one is a rant, a justifiable one. It would be cool to make that one a Wordle. See what it looks like.