This experiment in "cut up technique" found poetry was interesting, but gave me a VERY rough draft. I do feel it was worthwhile as it allowed me to write something I may never have put on paper. Here is the finished product. At the end of the piece you will find a link that will show you where I "found" my muse. PS, I know it is a bit strange...
Dive overboard, this ship is not your friend,
the lighthouse but a dim reminder of the past.
Just relax, learn the waves.
Become one with the ocean,
as rain on shore falls gently, softly,
becoming one within the foam.
Float away, let down your guard.
Don’t envy solid ground,
with broken thoughts like jetsam,
reach out quickly -
away from all desire but the now.
Sink downward, let go,
towards the protection of the bottom.
-Yes, you’ll fight -
-hold your breath -
-break the surface-
Scream to flotsam and to space,
to midnight’s spinning stars.
Fight the absurd desire for life.
Give in to loss, then finally you can be free.
Dive, swim downward from all needs,
To the cold call of whales
and the squid's tentacled caress.
Allow your arms and legs
to take you to the end. Stop.
Click here to hear the song that inspired my piece.
Hi Cynthia,
ReplyDeleteMight know you'd cheat by using song lyrics!! Just listened and quite like the beat (unusual for me!). Don't remember the 'squid's tentacled caress' but it's a good line. And it's a good poem too.
This isn't too creepy. And one of the joys of the prompts is getting out of your usual poetry writing box to see what happens. This was good.
ReplyDeletemark
I didn't think it is strange.
ReplyDelete"
Fight the absurd desire for life.
Give in to loss, then finally you can be free."
Sometimes I feel this way..
Terma Rima: psychedelic pajamas
Beautiful, Cynthia! Very nice!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the music you linked to (which I was unfamiliar with). But what I was reminded of was from TS Eliot's The Waste Land, Section IV, "Death by Water."
My favorite lines are:
Dive, swim downward from all needs,
To the cold call of whales
and the squid's tentacled caress.
Outstanding work, Cynthia!
A little haunting, but worthy of several reads for the effect it has. There's a consistency in the tone and images that has all the hallmarks of a fine poem! I actually felt like I was participating in the gentle instructions, floating, submerged, then back again.
ReplyDeleteI think that the ending worked really well - the idea of a song lyric was an interesting one - did you cut individual words or phrases?
ReplyDeleteThis IS eerie, simply because for the first time EVER in my life yesterday I encountered (and wrote from) the oldfashioned word "flotsam" and "jetsam"... wild!!! I enjoy the mysterious pacing of this poem and the rich, vivid images.
ReplyDeleteNow, in case blog spot is still miffed at me... this is Julie Jordan Scott... commenting here.
My poem for this week may be found:
http://bit.ly/10JIdT
I did not listen to the music I wanted your poem to be the song, and it is. I didn't find it creepy, I found it rather soothing. Almost hypnotic, a need to fill the tub and sink to the bottom just to see what is there. "Fighting the absurd desire for life," wow! I hear a poem in that line. Yes and, "to the cold call of whales." Poetry! Just great!
ReplyDeleteRegards,
DH
You may have found the answer you were looking for. Step on the inner censor and let it flow like this more often. I really like "Scream to flotsam and to space,
ReplyDeleteto midnight’s spinning stars."
and "the cold call of whales"
I like the downwards and id-like voyage of this; it really fits the chaotic and unpresuming nature of the assignment; the primitive sea and its creatures are a lot like a dream, or arbitrarily grouped words or phrases.
ReplyDeleteThe life journey captured in meditational lyrics. This flows and sings with dreamlike wonder/acceptance. Enjoyed!
ReplyDeleteNot strange at all! A great idea to use song lyrics and it worked really well :)
ReplyDeleteThe poem you wrote is very relaxing Cynthia. The picture at the top helps the feeling of sinking and relaxing into it. I didn't find it eerie either. The song lyrics add to the overall success of the world you have created. A wonderful excursion. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI didn't play the music(too distracting from the words) but I loved the poem.
ReplyDeleteI like..
the cold call of whales and the squid's tentacled carress
become one with the ocean
as rain on the shore falls gently softly
becoming one with the foam
This is the first time in two years that I feel
really homesick for the lighthouse and Byron Bay.
The words are almost too seductive. Soothing but watch what they're saying. That's eerie.
ReplyDeleteI guess if you know you're drowning this is what you might be thinking. I want to think on this one and maybe write a poem.
Hard to believe this came from random words. I agree with Irene. This is very seductive and fluid, and if taken as metaphor, not eerie at all. The first line is one of my favorites.
ReplyDeletethis is very good Cynthia...nicely done...thanks again for sharing
ReplyDeleteThis is haunting. Well done.
ReplyDeleteI did find the poem unnerving (especially given the story about the boy), but powerful precisely because of that fact. The reader sinks down into the poem which relates the image of sinking, and the reader comes to the bottom just at the word "stop." You reached "deep" and found truth.
ReplyDelete