For this week's poetry prompt we were to describe a scene without actually telling what has happened, just allowing the "props" to tell the story. This is what I came up with. (I'll warn you, it's kind of dark...)Thick candle stubs smolder, dripping
waxy tears onto a scarred dresser top.
Two glasses wait forlornly, gathering dust
alongside an uncorked bottle of cheap merlot.
An inane treacle of music oozes it's
mocking reminder of unrealized dreams.
Satin and lace tossed haphazardly in anticipation
of a wanting ache for attachment.
Damp tangled sheets and smeared pillowslips
cannot explain the lack of connection.
The odor of sweat and disappointment infuse
dim corners with cloying sadness.
Beating down like cleansing rain, the shower
cannot drown the choking heave of bitter tears.
(If you are interested, please leave a comment below telling me what YOU think has happened...)
Damp tangled sheets and smeared pillowslips
ReplyDeletecannot explain the lack of connection.
It's about the failure to connect that is wantonness isn't it, Cynthia?
The imagery is drenched with aching and sadness.
You've really set a mood here.There are endless possibiities of what has occured.My first response is to lay out some hilarious scenarios but as you have already said it's dark and you are my friend(and if I muck around I'll no doubt be getting some emails of complaint from you) so I will be serious.
ReplyDeleteAs she is having a shower and is very upset I can only think her lover was murdered(shot) while they were in flagrante by a jealous husband or by a criminal associate.Cheap wine and bad music suggest a lower socio economic setting,maybe a sleazy motel
Regards
Inspector Clouseau
Hi Cynthia,
ReplyDeleteWell, Rall must have it just about right??!! No, I'd say that the girl hates herself for sleeping with any slob she can get her hands on, hence the sweat! Always looking for some kind of emotional attachment but she's never gonna find it. And the slobs only drinks beer! Good poem!
Or maybe someone has reachedout to a stranger up news that their soulmate has gone, in hopes that a night of pssiona will delay the grief. And does not. Love the last two lines.
ReplyDeleteThe poem is infused with sadness, regret, longing and a shade of ennui.
ReplyDeleteOther than that, it's great! ;-)
I see a woman who is lost in solving the matrix of passion. She tries. And tries. The best she can. The only way she knows how. She maybe tries too hard like so many others.....
ReplyDeleteMy. We can all find something in this one...I think he didn't show up....
ReplyDeleteYou really know how to write!
Haven't we all faced such moments at one time or the other. You brought it very well..
ReplyDeletescrawled sheet of paper
Why are we all so hard on women and or ourselves? Naming your poem would take away what others see in the subect which should be subjective. I see beauty in her. Confusion. Passion. Patience. Irreverance! A conundrum that mimicks life!
ReplyDeleteShe arrived at the motel early to set the scene with wine, music and candles. She and her rich lover have been meeting less and less often - she feels him pulling away. She's simply loves him and isn't ready for it to end.
ReplyDeleteVery, very well done. You've delved deeply into confusion and yearning.
The satin and lace couplet makes me think she's at home and kind of like Muriel/Mariel in Muriel's Wedding, building her wedding album and taking her mother's wedding gown out of storage for make-believe. Pouring herself into the fantasy of the wedding (and marriage) she may well never have.
ReplyDeleteInto that setting, the tawdry one-night stand that leaves her sheets sweaty and her wine-bottle unopened.
Nicely told, Cynthia!
I ofcourse think maybe it is something like... a wedding that didn't happen. This is the room she shared with her bridesmaids before the wedding.
ReplyDeleteOr maybe a sorority slumber party where one of the girls had a crisis.
Thinking differently today... and your poem is quite evocative dear Cynthia.
(This is Julie Jordan Scott, thinking Blogspot still doesn't like me! LOL)
http://juliejordanscott.typepad.com/jjspoetry/2009/11/her-pen-waits-readwritepoemorg-get-your-poem-on-99.html
I think I'd have drunk the wine.
ReplyDeleteNice scene setting, Cynthia
I agree that the scenarios described above are most likely. However, the poet tells us that the poem is very dark. Somehow, a common disappointed love or tryst isn't all that dark. So perhaps there's another element to this scene. I think the uncorked bottle of wine is the clue -- what event has not yet been celebrated? Here are three darker possibilities: 1) the two married already, earlier that day, but he leaves her after only one night together 2) the two are trying to consummate a marriage, or conceive, but fail on both counts; 3) the two are both female (satin & late, smeared pillowcases), so the same-sex love has darker repercussions (I once read another such poem very similar to this poem; so that's why I imagined option #3 for here as well)
ReplyDeleteI get the wonderful (wonderfully tragic) sense of time have past in this (the dust is a big hint). I think you've done a great job of taking the static present of the scene and giving it time's dimension. For me, the person who's alone in the poem hasn't just become bereft but seems to be going through a ritual of masochistic expectations, setting out glasses, waiting etc for a lover who's long gone (left or dead).
ReplyDeleteThis is very evocative for me now
ReplyDelete-I am so scared of romantic dates therefore I anticipate disaster. But hey disaster comes when you call it, I guess...
I'd rather not guess - I think the images speak very strongly for themselves, but there seems to be an indication that this is not a singular event - the dust, the cloying sadness, a bitterness that seems to have built...
ReplyDeleteThe prostitute was dressed in a bridal fantasy that made her reflect on the kind of life she could have if she gave up her lifestyle. However, she feels trapped and cannot see a way out. The john took all her money and didn't even stay long enough for a drink of wine. She desperately needs someone to care. An interesting post, Cynthia.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't really clear on what the prompt was about this week, or I should say it hasn't inspired much in me, but after reading your take on it I get a much better sense of what he was going for. It describes the scene perfectly, leaving it to the reader to interpret what happened. And as I see from the comments, there are quite a few interpretations :).
ReplyDeletegreat descriptions here! there are so many ways to interpret this (everyone who has stopped by before me has touched a lot of bases!!) I saw a person disappointed and the sadness in this piece is oerwhelming. nice work!
ReplyDeleteI believe there was a consumation of the event, heated passion et al, but that the evenings activities could not reinforce the imagination or desires of one party to ensure a future of continuity or bliss.
ReplyDeleteRelationship interruptus? What a melancholy mood this invokes. I like it all.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't help thinking about Ian McEwen's novel"On Chesire Beach" which was about a wedding disaster. Here, we have rumpled sheets, the smell of sweat, a bottle of wine - unopened. Like something that was supposed to happen didn't happen & the unseen girl is in the shower, running water to hide her tears. Sad & understated - an interesting combination
ReplyDeletethe experience of bitter tears reflected in dust
ReplyDelete