December 21st, 2007 #25 by Sepulture (Mood Disorder)Upon first seeing this picture, I had the immediate thought that it's central figure saw something much more than a broken chair. There seemed to be something darkly reverent about the entire composition… this is where it took me. (thanks to singer/songwriter Mark Chestnut for the words, "broken promise land"...they have haunted me for years.)
A far expanse of nothingness,
baked bare earth, no comfort here.
Miles ahead toward dreams of sustenance,
in this, a broken promise land.
As weary travelers wander past,
each lost within their troubled minds.
Few notice else but their own road,
blinders focus each ahead.
A few may turn with questioned thoughts,
upon one straggler kneeling there,
long throughout the heat of day,
and into dusk and still of night.
They cannot see his focused gaze,
or understand his rapturous face.
His knowledge and blinding clarity,
to commune in silence and in prayer.
With deep resolve and steely spine,
locked in a struggle none can win.
To argue help and reasoning,
with One impervious to pleas.
This warrior with unbending soul,
determined never to concede,
but bestow his life to beg release,
for all the cattle who cannot see.
(Yes, it's a bit melodramatic...I think the news of Haiti was in my subconscious.)
Hi Cynthia,
ReplyDeleteThere's a nice rhythm to this and an ancient quality to the words. I hope he goes on begging release for us.
Not too melodramatic, it's just fine. :) And "broken promise land" is indeed a powerful phrase, good use of it!
ReplyDeleteThe contest between "a struggle none can win" and the determined soul.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's melodrama if the situation is real.
oooh, a warrior! i haven't heard him described that way yet, and i like it!
ReplyDeleteA good warrior. Excellent read!
ReplyDeleteI like how you show the individual against the unseen (unthinking) mass. Adds a lot to the scene, and of course, the poem's point.
ReplyDeleteThis last stanza brings to mind
ReplyDelete'All we like sheep' from Handel's Messiah.
Wonderful rousing warrior music.
"This warrior with unbending soul". Good job!
ReplyDeletePamela
I really like the rythm of these lines, Cynthia.
ReplyDeleteMake that "rhythm."
ReplyDeletea great first line for me.....and the rest just falls into line....thanks for sharing this and also thanks for your comments on my poem Cynthia....cheers from the Rocky Mountains
ReplyDeleteYou're right about "broken promise land." I'm not familiar with the original, but it's really haunting. I love that this warrior has no intention of conceding despite the arduous battle. Very nice.
ReplyDeleteI keep trying to whittle a favored stanza but they are all so beautifully crafted I can't choose only one!
ReplyDeleteThis warrior with unbending soul,
ReplyDeletedetermined never to concede,
but bestow his life to beg release,
for all the cattle who cannot see.
These lines are brilliant
I love the whole thing, especially your last stanza. Is he Abram, begging destruction staved off for our sakes? I get the sense of a man holding up his canopy of silence under which he pleas, struggles, and supplications. The "broken promise land" mention set the tone for this piece. Well done.
ReplyDelete-Nicole