(Charon by H. Koppdelaney)In dreamtime
muddling thoughts
carouse and dance
through
drowsy minds
as childlike
chimera of
gentle, swirling magic
float upon softly
lapping waters.
soon to melt and
metamorphosis
into a manic carnival of
tumbling,
wild-eyed
throat-choked panic,
blood-drained fear
as demons guide
your empty screams
In dreamtime.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hi Cynthia,
ReplyDeleteI think I'd prefer the first half of your dreams - the gentle, floaty, magic part!
Dreamtime. Nice conflation of the mythic and the psychological in a single word! Beautifully appropriate to this prompt. Nicely done, Cynthia!
ReplyDeleteMe, when I was young I had only a handful of dreams that kept repeating year after year until I was about 25. Now I am rarely aware that I have dreamed at all. Believe me, that is preferable...
(I posted this same comment on rwp, I figured you would want the feedback here as well.) I’m getting to be a fan of yours, Cynthia. I like the idea of muddling confused thoughts being chimera. There is a demonic and panicy feeling to this image, I think you caught that in your poem. You might want to look at the use of the word metamorphosis, which you used as a verb, but which is actually a noun. Overall, nicely done, I like it.
ReplyDeleteJim...thanks so much for the kind words AND the vocabulary lesson! I have always thought of metamorphosis as a verb...like the ACT of changing.
ReplyDeleteCynthia, beautifully written. You move from the placid to the turbulent - I feel I am floating and no sooner I am sucked in.
ReplyDeleteThat turns really nightmarish at the end. Reminds me of the narcotic dreams my post-dental surgery painkillers left me with.
ReplyDeleteI really like the sound of the words in this. Demons... screams... dream. Nice.
I really like the rhythm of this one... the progression is indeed a bit turbulent, but it wouldn't be an honest representation of dreamtime without it. Commendable!
ReplyDeleteAs upsetting as they are I believe our nightmares have lessons to teach....if we just pay attention. We need the bad to balance (and appreciate) the good.
ReplyDeleteI like this a lot.
chimera of
ReplyDeletegentle, swirling magic
float upon softly
lapping waters
I really like this passage -- the juxtaposition of the chimera with the "gentle" is an engaging surprise... nice!
...rob
the connection of carney and nightmare is particularly apt. They are both unsettled and unsettling.
ReplyDeleteThis caught my very much by the throat, namely the second stanza ("manic carnival of tumbling, wild-eyed throat-choked panic, blood-drained fear"). My dreams are also very vivid and at times unsettling, some of which bleed into my work. I also like the juxtapositions between the first stanza of dream and the second stanza of nightmare. Well done.
ReplyDelete-Nicole
Nice combination of dream and nightmare. Very well done.
ReplyDeletePamela
I enjoyed your images.
ReplyDeleteOoooo. Your dream takes a spooky turn. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteAmazing how dreams start out so well and move into pieces of nightmares - kind of like parts of life. :) I like this piece, a lot!
ReplyDeleteOh, those screams, dreamtime, are frightening. Your poem brought me right there - right there!
ReplyDelete