My offering for "Read Write Poem's" weekly prompt #90
Glazed eyes streaming- trembling
through plumes of smoke
his offering drifts heavenward.
Burnt flesh a written
declaration of sacrifice.
Praying it will be great enough
to bring forgiveness.
Mesmerized and mystified
onlookers toss offerings of
grimy coins and crumpled notes.
A smattering of applause-
Murmured voices of encouragement,
“Such talent, balance and resolve,
a true performer.”
He doesn’t even notice them.
Hi Cynthia,
ReplyDeleteNicely done, a mixture of reality and something deeper. I really like:
"Burnt flesh a written
declaration of sacrifice.
Praying it will be great enough
to bring forgiveness."
"He doesn't even notice them" Afterall why should he? Bravo. And I love this to start my day. Have a wonderful weekend. Julie
ReplyDeleteYes, the line "he doesn't even notice them" - truly present in his moment! Great observation.
ReplyDeleteMesmerized and mystified
ReplyDeleteonlookers...
followed closely by Murmured voices...
does give a crowd background rumble sound that is very nice
I know why that guy needed forgiveness.
ReplyDeleteYou nailed with that last line!
ReplyDeletegeometry of fireworks cuts into me
I like the way you wrote about the performs work and then the response from the audience. There is always the supposition that more goes out than comes back in rewards. All that "burnt flesh" for a "smattering of applause". This is a thoughtfully put together poem with accurate observations. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteI think the last line makes it work - the performer does it because he needs to, and the audience is just a side effect - much like writing!
ReplyDeleteI really liked the juxtaposition between what the performer is feeling and what the crowd's reaction. The spiritual versus the very worldly.
ReplyDeleteThis line grabbed me because even the offerings are given in the wrong way --
ReplyDeleteonlookers toss offerings of
grimy coins and crumpled notes
I too liked the split in stanzas and perspective between the performer and the audience in the poem. The shift in tone was ironic and effective, making clear how even a sympathetic bystander still has no idea what he's witness to compared with the performer.
ReplyDeleteBurnt flesh a written
ReplyDeletedeclaration of sacrifice.
Praying it will be great enough
to bring forgiveness.
Nice touch! Nice that you leave it an unanswered question.
You really get to the heart of the image with this one, Cynthia.
ReplyDeleteHi Cynthia,I love your line of thought :)
ReplyDeleteI also quite like what you've done with this. Great write.
ReplyDelete